Forgive me father..


Forgive me because I have not blogged in ….months.

Seems time folds when I’m busy or preoccupied.  Spring is always a flurry of activity getting ready for shows, the winding down the kiddos’ school year, and teaching obligations.  Last spring, I agreed to teach kids at a local art center and taught in an after school program at my daughters’ school, above and beyond my adult students and doing production work.

I haven’t really mentioned much about her before, but my eldest daughter, who will be 9 tomorrow, is developmentally delayed. While she can walk around, eats table food, and can belly laugh at her younger sister, she cannot talk or communicate in any typical manner, does not feed herself, and still wears diapers.  She more or less functions at the level of  a 1 yr old, in some respects, only she can walk around and hit things with the strength of a 9 year old.  Not terribly self-reliant, I’m afraid, and can’t really be left to entertain herself for any period, even when I need to work.  She goes for clinical therapy for speech/gross and fine motor skills once a week, and has been in a special ed class since the age of 3.   Its been pretty trying and I won’t say our life has been typical, by any means. When she is conscious, and home, I get little work done in the studio, as I am the principle caregiver and sometimes the only person who can snap her out of a fit or episode. Fun.

When school ended last year, and my girls were denied enrollment at the school’s summer program, I was resigned to the fact that my pottery production would have to slow down significantly in June and July. When August finally rolled around, I was relieved, but first, I had planned a trip to Canada to see my dad and situate (and hopefully ship down) some of the things I still had in storage there.

Before I left though, I learned that my dad, who is now 87, had, after struggling with his driver’s tests (in Ontario, you have to take a test to renew your license every year once you reach 80), decided to finally give up his license. He also sold his car  evenbefore my youngest daughter and I arrived

Its always shocking to see an aging parent after you haven’t seen them for a year.  My dad, who has been battling some health problems these last few years, was showing his age and slowing down quite visibly.  With the loss of his car, he wanted to sell his house and decided it was time to move into a retirement home.  (Talk about a lifestyle adjustment ..)  So the week we were there, that’s what we worked towards. Aside from packing/sorting/organizing, we listed his house and commenced showing it 2 days later, and we toured various retirement facilities about town, one of which he really liked, and the lease was signed so he could move in Sept 1. Great. My daughter and I fly out on the 10th or so, with a few days to spare before she had to go back to school.  I start gearing up mentally to work on pots…

I learned that after I left, he had had 2 falls (!). Days later, when his scheduled doctor’s appointment rolled around (he refused to go before that), the doctor, learning of of his falls, whisked him off to the hospital for xrays (thankfully no broken bones), a blood transfusion, and they admitted him for a few days to deal because of some other issues.  That was August.  Poor thing, he has been in and out of the hospital ever since.

We got word after three weeks of the house being listed that the it had sold and would be closing Sept 20.   I made plans to return to finish moving things to his room at the ‘home’, pack and ship my stuff south, take care of the rest of the house contents, etc., and do all the rest of the things in prep of the closing date.

I arrived on Sept 8, and my dad was back in the hospital. It was a difficult week to be sure, but thanks to a few very exceptional friends who came to my rescue, everything fell into place and somehow got done, and I was still able to spend some time with my dad in the hospital every day.  By some miracle, I handed the keys over to the lawyer on the 18th and was able to spend my final evening there with my dad. I had spent so much time and energy before I left for Canada the second time, making arrangements, and mentally preparing myself for the daunting task what needed to be accomplished that week, and then on actually getting it all done, that when I got back, the drive home from the airport in Pensacola seemed almost surreal.

So my dad and his situation, on top of everything else, has been, as one would expect, consuming, especially being so far away.  I’ve spent most of my studio time since I’ve been back working on orders and shows we have coming up in November.  I’m glad to say that there is talk now that my dad will be discharged back to the ‘home’ soon and will be receiving some extra care as he transitions back from the hospital.  Thank goodness there are resources and services available! Hoping we have a small reprieve until I fly back up, so I can get what I need to get done here and keep plodding forward, one day at a time.

Be Sociable, Share!

4 Responses to “Forgive me father..”

  • Linda StarrNo Gravatar Says:

    Oh I wish I lived close I’d come and take care of your daughter and give you some you time and some studio time. I took care of Gary’s father for seven years and he had dementia but was self sufficient for most things but could not be left alone and needed constant reminders. So I can only imagine what it must be like for you taking care of your daughter. And then your aging father, thankfully he got the blood transfusion and didn’t have any broken bones and hopefully that will be the last of his hospitalizations. Hugs to you Anne.

    • Anne WebbNo Gravatar Says:

      Thanks Linda. My dad has ongoing health issues that we just have to take a bit at a time. Thanks goodness for Skype. At least I can call and talk to him, get updates, and make arrangements without further financial burden. Re my daughter.. I am envious of people with kids who have extended family who are supportive or, at the very least, take an interest.

  • Judi TavillNo Gravatar Says:

    I get a lot of this, your dad… my dad’s like 15 years younger and it’s one thing after another…different though. The rest, I just feel for you. Wish i could be there to help too. Just know… the positivity is coming over those internet waves(?)!

    • Anne WebbNo Gravatar Says:

      yeah thanks Judi. Its tough to see your parents deteriorate and get old. Getting old is not for sissies, that’s for sure. Unfortunately something we all have to go through. :( Positive vibes are *always* appreciated. :)

Leave a Reply